I admit I have been a smoker for 10 years. I got addicted to this habit at the age of 19 and it has been with me ever since.

When I started off it was 1 cigarette a day with chai at Mishra jee's shop in Jakhan.
Then we moved to Vimal's tea stall in Makkawala just outside my college. In the second year when our group was more adventuresome our bums moved to Maggi Point. Which prospered due to our patronage. Today its known as lover's point but far before that in 1999-2003 it was just a plain ol' smokers joint.

Cricket on Saturday afternoon's in Racecourse were punctuated by cigarette and tea breaks.
Was I an addict then? I do not think so but I had this strange love hate relationship with the dreaded cancer stick. For days I could go without smoking and then suddenly on an impulse smoke 3 to 4 in succession.

Friday night booze fest at my friend's place did not help. I was rotting away slowly but never realized that. Not that I did not have help, my friends fought with me, argued with me, stopped talking with me but I kept puffing away. Thinking that I can quit any day, when I want.

Time moved forward, I started working in Delhi. With money to spend and a myopic view of my future I indulged in alcohol and cigarettes. The kid in me had moved on from the Wills Navy Cut, Gold Flake Small, Panama Filter to 555, Marlboro and Classic eventually settling down on Classic Milds.

My life's journey eerily resembles in part to my obsession with smoking.
I am that breed of smokers which does not do pot, or beedi or cigars. Somehow those never appealed to me but smoking did. Perhaps I wanted to epitomize the coolth, that was shown on the silver screen. I remember that ad
"Hum Red and White Peene walo ki baat hi Kuch aur hoti hai"
Done by Akshay Kumar when he jumps of a cliff or was it a tall building to save a dainty looking damsel.

I wished I had a damsel dangling in my arms like that while I flicked my cigarette from one corner of my lips to another making smoking rings in the air.

A perfect example of how an ad done by a charismatic action hero in the 90's can make a permanent hold on a growing mind!

This may have been one of the reasons of my obsession with smoking but after I guess the first 2 cigarettes it didn't really matter.

I concealed my habit pretty well from my parents, though I suspect that they know about it.

Time moved on I switched locations and from Delhi I landed in Bhuvaneswar and then took a whirlwind trip across the southern cities in India courtesy my company - Chennai, Bangalore, Mysore before finally landing up in Hyderabad.

All through my pit stops (read the time spent in the cities prior to Hyderabad) I hung on my classic milds. Somewhere down the vagaries of time spent in cheap motels, shacking up 8 housemates, sitting on the steps of the train while the wind blows through your hair, that very cigarette became my companion.

Life in Hyderabad went on as usual, Get up in morning, have chai with cigarette.
Then have bread omelette with cigarette. Then go to the gazebo to have another puff as your body needs a break from that constant work.

Then go in the afternoon once lunch hour is over, then go again in the evening for no reason.

Over and over again. Every smoker wants to quit, but they can't cos' there body does not want them to. The nicotine makes them crave for it.

Smoking suppresses hunger and after a few years when nicotine is firmly entrenched in your vascular system, the alternative between gobbling up food and smoking a cigarette is simple- Light up another one.

Like every smoker I had partners, as smoking is always a group activity. Smokers sometimes turn out to be good friends as they defy the world and puff away.

And the reasons that the smoking pals give are even amazing.

Got bored from work - Lets go for cigarette
Boss gave some new assignment- Lets go for cigarette
Khana settle nahi hua pet main- lets go for cigarette
Gym complete ho gaya - Lets go for cigarette
Ghar jane ka time ho gaya - Lets go for cigarette
It's too hot- lets go out for a smoke and feel the cool breeze.
It's raining outside- lets go out for a smoke and the rain.
It's cold - Lets go out for a smoke and warm up our insides.

Smoking defies logic, it sure gives you a brief concentration spell which lasts perhaps 20 minutes and then it's back to normal. So for those 20 minutes a smoker lights up and gives away 20 minutes from his life.


Smoking became a permanent part of my life in Hyderabad, it started growing its offspring in San Francisco and Denver and it took firm control of my life in Minneapolis, where I smoked 1 pack a day just to kill time as I was locked up in my home staring outside my bedroom window at the snow decked roads and buildings. Smoking did not need a reason anymore, it became part of my life and started rotting me away.

It's not as if I have not tried to quit this habit. Many times I have done it, and every time I was successful but that success was not for long. The maximum I went without a smoke was 4 weeks and the moment I broke my resolution I got drunk and smoked 5 cigarettes on the trot.

10 years: a long time to die slowly and yet there is hope as I browsed through the articles available on the net.

Within 20 minutes of smoking your last cigarette, your blood pressure and pulse rate decrease, and the body temperature of your hands and feet increase.

Carbon monoxide in cigarette smoke reduces the blood’s ability to carry oxygen.
At 8 hours, the carbon monoxide level in your blood decreases to normal. With the decrease in carbon monoxide, your blood oxygen level increases to normal.

At 24 hours, your risk of having a heart attack decreases.

At 48 hours, nerve endings start to regrow and the ability to smell and taste is enhanced.

Between 2 weeks and 3 months, your circulation improves, walking becomes easier and you don’t cough or wheeze as often. Phlegm production decreases. Within several months, you have significant improvement in lung function.

In 1 to 9 months, coughs, sinus congestion, fatigue and shortness of breath decrease as you continue to see significant improvement in lung function. Cilia, tiny hair-like structures that move mucus out of the lungs, regain normal function.

In 1 year, risk of coronary heart disease and heart attack is reduced to half that of a smoker.

Between 5 and 15 years after quitting, your risk of having a stroke returns to that of a non-smoker.

In 10 years, your risk of lung cancer drops. Additionally, your risk of cancer of the mouth, throat, esophagus, bladder, kidney and pancreas decrease. Even after a decade of not smoking however, your risk of lung cancer remains higher than in people who have never smoked. Your risk of ulcer also decreases.

In 15 years, your risk of coronary heart disease and heart attack in similar to that of people who have never smoked. The risk of death returns to nearly the level of a non-smoker.

I never thought I will start exercising so furiously, I never thought I will have regular and controlled diet, Quitting smoking was the last and I guess the most important piece of the puzzle.

Smoking Kills and yet I am preparing myself for a life which can do without this harmful addiction.

Somehow the realization that I want to live long enough to see my grand kids sit on my lap so that I can regale them with stories about the years gone by makes me stronger and far more determined than I ever was in my life before to quit.

I can't change whatever happened in the past but I can surely create a better future.

Strange things are in motion in my life, it's like the wheel of fortune which has been spun twice over but still rests at the starting point. Incredulous as it may sound this is indeed true.

There are different phases in our lives that we go through, and each phase has it's own brand of special moments, few amongst them are self evident, such as the first time we enter school, the first step in college, the first cigarette, the first saari that you buy for maa from your salary, others though are far more subtle and perhaps these are the ones which have a story to tell of their own, and stick in your mind like a soar thumb or like a pleasant picnic lunch. Yet every life changing event and phase brings forth a veritable hue of experience one which shapes up the future course of our seemingly simple yet increasingly complex lives.

I stand at the cusp of one such phase and as I relive each moment that has passed by and try to anticipate the moments that are yet to occur, the little boy in me , exults in unabashed glee, even when the grizzly ol' veteran tries to calm the child like exuberance.

I have made mistakes in my life, but If I regret making mistakes then I am going to regret being a human being. I can only learn from them and move on.

I guess sometimes the leap of faith can only do so much, it may help in putting forth in motion the jigsaw pieces that fate has collected, but it's you alone who can decipher the puzzle and be the last man standing.

I see the little boy in me smiling nervously as he eagerly awaits for the train of fate to lead him to his destiny.

-Saurabh

I will no longer be posting on this blog for sometime as I grapple with my fitness issues.

I will be now posting on my "GET BACK INTO SHAPE" - Fitness Blog.



Interested readers can jump over there and drop a comment.





Get Back Into Shape - www.http://saurabhzquest.blogspot.com/



Cheers,

Saurabh

What is it? It is a case of duality, wherein you agree to both sides of an argument while conforming to none, atleast that's what I think.

More to follow on this one later ...

How hard is it give yourself completly to someone and to share each and every moment of your life with her?

So, after numerous pushing and prodding from my friends, well wishers and family I have finally convinced myself that to attain Nirvana I have to hit the Gym with a vengeance. Well about this time last year when I was slowly burning up my extra calories, I busted my knee and was put off by 1 year in my quest. I never got anything easy.

Now after 1 year of rest I am working out again, this time more cautiously than before, and as I pound my left foot on the treadmill every nerve in my head is highly focused on how my knee will fare from the punishment and to register even the minutest shred of pain. As of now everything is good or at least feels good.


After 2 days of work out my arms are hollering in pain, and my lower back + Stomach have provided me with enough reasons not to workout tomorrow morning. Oh, I wish I could do that, I really wish. The only areas which are surprisingly not hurting are my knees, the muscle groups surrounding them. Which is a relief. and so with a string of hope I will go back again to the gym, work on my chest and upper body, get those legs to kick some more.
Set them free.

Now if only I can sort out my food habits and I will be heading in the right direction. Eating healthy food always helps and the sooner I eat healthy stuff the better it will be for me.

This is the first get in shape quest post, hopefully I will have one every week, providing some juicy quips along with the updates.

Every person goes through this inner awakening once in a while, which gives him a second wind and propels him forward. This is just the 2nd day but will this be my 2nd wind remains to be seen.

Over and Out

We worry too much about how people will perceive us, and whether we will do something substantial in our lives. We are eager to seek approval for our actions from a close knit circle of friends and family. Our every step is directed towards excelling in whatever task we undertake and we carry on running this way. Everyday; and so do others, the one's that we notice but don't care.

The doorman who holds the door open when we enter a building. The security guard frisking us as he/she eyes us as a possible terrorist.
The bus conductor who punches our tickets as we take up a cramped space on the city bus along with the many thrill seekers and also the late comers riding their luck on the doorsteps- I have been part of that crowd on so many occasions that I know you have to be either a moron or a desperate person to travel in such a way.

The beat cop who catches us smoking in public, but looks the other way when we pass on a 20 rupee note in his grubby hands.
The hassled vendor at McDonald's who gets a measly income but plays a small part in the increasingly profitable business of the fast food chain.

The group of children who wipe off the non-existent dirt from the windshields of the hordes of cars and then spread their palms hoping to get paid in anything ranging from 50 paise to Rs.5

We all move in a cycle of repetition, it may not be necessarily pretty, it may not be effective but we move nonetheless following an invisible law of nature.

If this does not make sense then think about the boss who has to come up to our desk and share few of his/her unimaginative quips on how to handle work pressure and maintain quality.
The colleagues who sound affable in front of us but constantly bicker behind our backs. The work which always seems to increase no matter how quickly and competently we reach our deadlines.

The constant emotional flux one has to go through if one reaches a certain marriageable age and yet is single. As if being single was the worst offense. The same group of people who threw daggers when one fraternizes with a person from the opposite sex are now eager to marry you off to a person with whom you perhaps share nothing in common and yet are encouraged to build something in common cos' it's the family's wish.

I wish things were simpler after marriage, or even the office promotion that we so eagerly await. Such life changing moments seldom are. They in fact lead to bigger and more complex things, yet for all the negativity associated with such moments, there are a whole lot of positives as well. The notion of finding a soul mate who can be by your side still holds good after all these thousands of years. The ability to adapt to a new position and in turn raise the bar of performance in your new role after the promotion is fascinating.

And we all dance to this music of life and fate.

Every dance step taken though is for that one single day when we will lie on our deathbed and hope that we were able to make a positive difference in this world via our deeds.

Or perhaps rather than worrying about how we are perceived in the end we just keep on doing what we believe in. Yes, we may be wrong, we may have the whole world against us, but what will give us more joy, doing what we want to do even if means breaking the conventional norms and ditching social wisdom or just following the worn down path traversed by millions before us.

What happens when we actually turn back and look at the incidents which have shaped our lives up till this very moment?

What happens when the music stops?